December 19, 2013

Anger and Grace

Someone asked me yesterday why we aren't angry at God for taking Janet from us so early. 

Every human part of me wants to be so devastated and mad. 
Wants to turn away from God. 
Wants to ask why a GOOD God would cause us so much pain and why a loving Father would take away my husband's only living parent and my boys' sweet sweet G-Ma so early that they won't remember her... 
Wants to know why He would take away my sweet sister-in-law's (and best friend's) momma before she can see her give birth and help her raise her babies...

But again I fall to my knees and am filled with peace and grace. 
I don't deserve it or understand it.
I am choosing to continue to be faithful. 

I surrendered my life to the Lord when I was 7 & He never promised me it would be easy. 
But He has NEVER failed me & He won't start now.
He doesn't want to hear me complaining and He doesn't have to explain himself.
So no, I am not angry.
But not because of my human nature, but because of Grace.

I am choosing to praise Him still. Every single day. Even on these hardest days of my life.

 I read this in my quiet time this morning and I think it is so fitting of Janet.

"7 But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. 10 We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. 11 For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that his life may also be revealed in our mortal body. 12 So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you.
13 It is written: “I believed; therefore I have spoken.”[b] Since we have that same spirit of[c] faith, we also believe and therefore speak, 14 because we know that the one who raised the Lord Jesus from the dead will also raise us with Jesus and present us with you to himself. 15 All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God.
16 Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. 17 For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 18 So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." -2 Corinthians 4:7-18

G-Ma and Hudson in Colorado, Nov 2013

8 comments:

  1. I found your m-i-l's blog through Kelly's Korner and subsequently stumbled on yours through this whole story. I am praying for your sweet family and so admire what you said here. There are so many things we can not possibly understand this side of Heaven, but you are handling this situation with grace and mercy. I pray God's richest peace will fall upon y'all during this time.

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  2. You and your family are on my heart and in my thoughts and prayers. My best friend in high school lost her daughter through rejection of a heart/lung transplant. Sheena was 17. Terminal patients often feel insecure at night so her mom would stay with her during the day, and her father all night. He would talk with her about God's plans. God's plans for Sheena did not include college, marriage, or a family. He had other plans. The high school principal allowed them to have Sheena's services at school and permitted them total freedom in the service. The plan of salvation was clearly given and many students chose eternal life. One of the last things Sheena had wanted to do before the surgery was go on a missions trip - which she did. How amazing that God's plans were for her to reach more people through her death than through her life. Your mom is also continuing to reach people through her testimony and the love that you and your family have for her, and for Him. Blessings to each of you.

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  3. I started following Janet's blog a week or so ago when Kelly posted a blog post about her. Ever since then she has been on my mind. I read your post you posted on her blog and came over to yours. I can't imagine what ya'll are going thru but I pray that God continues to give ya'll the strength to get thru each day. Be strong and always keep God first. He's the only one that can give us the comfort we need.

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  4. As soon as I published my comment, this song came to my mind. It's called "The Words I Would Say" by Sidewalk Prophets. I'm sure you've probably heard it before. Listen to it when you get a chance.

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  5. Oh, Jenna, what a precious, precious post and what truth! It is HIS grace that sees us through all our difficulties and HE will always be with us even when we do not understand. I do not know Janet personally but have been following her blog since her illness. What a lovely woman and what a testimony she has been through this journey. My prayers are with her and all of you as you do one of the most difficult things in life, give up a loved one. Hugs and blessings to all of you!

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  6. Jenna thank you for your faithfulness to Janet and her readers who could only stand at the edge of it all with prayers. Janet is leaving her legacy through the witness of her blog. She has been used mightily by God in this trial of fire. She is refined as a diamond under pressure. You should consider publishing her blog as a book so it can circulate into the hands of others who need to hear her glorification of Christ. What an inspiration. I will miss so much her postings and just miss knowing she is here. I cherish my times with her. God Bless you all. I look forward toward heaven knowing it is there i can spend time in fellowship with Janet. Love to you all.

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