A Month Gone.
One month. On Sept. 21 it was a month. It feels like both an eternity and the blink of any eye at the same time. Time feels extremely weird to me right now. I almost feel like I am walking in a constant haze, or in someone else's life. I am doing all of my same things, being a mom, wife, shuttling the kids to all the things, cleaning and making all the lunches... but there is a pit in my stomach that doesn't go away. I go up to the cemetery at least once a week and sit by Adam's grave and journal or read my bible. It's actually been super therapeutic for me... but it really still doesn't feel real. I've reached a point where there is so much internal conflict about how I feel. Some days I am totally normal/fine, but then something happens, someone says something or I see something and it's like the huge wave taking me under water all over again. There are certain things I will never look at or thing of the same thing again.
We walked in Adam's honor in the Out of the Darkness walk for the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention last Sunday. It was amazing to see how much support our family had, but also devastating at the same time.