Nine.

How in the world is this possible?

They say don't blink, that it goes by in an instant.

They're right.

My tiny 6 lb. 3 oz. baby (and interestingly enough, he was my BIGGEST baby) is nine. I blinked and we are here, half way to 18.

Every single thing I learned about being a mother, I learned from you. I never knew how I could love someone more than myself until you were here. I would move Heaven and Earth for you.

My heart often aches for you and all that you have seen and experienced in your short nine years of life so far... so many things kids shouldn't have to know about or experience... so much hurt and loss.

But you, my son, are a warrior. You are a thinker. You see a problem and look for the good. I have absolutely no doubt that you will use all you have experienced for the good for the Kingdom. I pray that you will always be able to empathize with those who experience loss and hurt. I pray that you always look for the good. I pray that you always look for the kids sitting alone and extend kindness.

You absolutely blow me away with how good you are with your siblings. This year we had a really big change, and you have taken Remi under your wing and you couldn't be more proud of your Sissy. You're also so great with Sawyer and a great big brother for Rhett to look up to.

I always thought as a parent I'd be the one teaching and molding, but little did I know you'd be teaching and molding me as well. I see so much of myself in you and daily I pray away the things that have hindered me and hope that you miss those attributes. I pray a barrier around your room at night, that angels would be watching over you as you sleep. 

I am enjoying watching you grow. I'm not sad. I genuinely enjoy every age and stage with you. You've turning from little boy into a more mature boy who is beginning to understand more about the world and life. I love watching you play baseball, which you are so passionate about. I love seeing you with your friends talking and playing at school. I love that you always want to be the first one to get Remi and Sawyer up in the mornings and to tell them good night at night. I love how much you love your daddy and how much I see of him in you as well.

And I love that when you can't sleep you still want me to tuck you in and scratch your back. I am seeing those "little kid" things start to fade. You don't need me as much anymore, but I cherish the moments you do need me.

I don't deserve you as a son. I am truly the blessed one that God saw it fit to make me your mom. I don't feel qualified and to be honest most of the time I don't know what I am doing and I am just hoping it works out okay.

I am praying that year nine brings us out of the valley of the last several years and into a place where you can bloom and blossom and be a fun loving child without the worries of the world for a few more years.

Happy, happy birthday Hudson Charles! I love you, I am so proud of you and so proud to be your mommy. 

Xoxo,

Mommy