February 16, 2011

Life lately.... an honest update and look into my life

This may be a more serious blog than I usually write. I have had been doing a lot of, I guess you would say, "soul searching" lately... and it made me realize some things about myself that I wasn't proud of.

My friend, Rhyanne, and I started attending a new bible study at our church on Tuesday mornings in hopes of connecting with other moms with kids around the same ages as our babies.We chose to go to "The Lies Women Believe..." study and it has been so incredible so far.

The study mainly talks about sin and the things women specifically have believed about sin since the first sin in the Garden of Eden. I would say before this study I didn't really think I was that "bad" of a person, I didn't really do any of the so called BIG sins, so basically I was fine.

Well, the Lord had a different idea for me... the first week of bible study I was incredibly convicted about the TV shows that I watch, but as a usual sinner, I didn't change anything, I justified it... until a few days later my husband said the same thing that the Lord had already laid on my heart. He didn't like some of the language on one of the shows, and the way that the people interacted with each other. He didn't tell me that I couldn't watch them, but that he didn't want to hear it and went in the other room.

Well, for those of you that know me, my love language is quality time. I would never want to do something that sent my husband into the other room. So I automatically stopped watching that show... but it doesn't stop there...

A few days later I pulled out my bible study book and bible and started reading again... the Lord convicted me again about the junk I was putting in my mind and how much time I was wasting by watching so much tv. At this point (the third time that the Lord pointed it out to me, geez, we can be so blind sometimes...) I went through my DVR and deleted ALL of my shows. I have seen EVERY episode of Grey's Anatomy since the season one... until last week. I realized that it is JUNK, so many things that I don't agree with or do, but I was watching it and becoming desensitized to it. These were shows that I genuinely enjoy watching but I realized that it wasn't worth my time and nothing good was going to come from watching them...

Then on Sunday, our pastor had a sermon about the exact same thing. Our key phrase for 2011 at church has been to think about our actions before we do them with "how does this end well..." Watching the junky soap opera-y shows wasn't going to end well... it wasn't accomplishing anything but wasting my time. If it was something I wouldn't want my son to watch, why should I watch it?

Now I am not saying that everyone is sinning by watching these shows... or that everyone needs to go out and delete everything off of their DVR. This is just something that I was convicted about and needed to change in my life. I thought I was doing a pretty good job at being a Christian (haha of course I was wrong... and always will be while in my earthly body) until the Lord pointed out some pretty big things in my life that I needed to change. He brought me back down to my level, that I am not perfect but still striving to be the best me that I can be.

I am simplifying my life. 

Our bible study leader said something yesterday that really made me think about my priorities.
God has called me to do the things that only I can do first.


Only I can be Jenna Buettemeyer, follower of God.
Only I can be Jenna Buettemeyer, wife of Bryan.
Only I can be Jenna Buettemeyer, mother to Hudson.

Those should be my first priorities... because only I can be those things. My first priority is my relationship with God and next are my husband and son. My boys depend on me, so they come first.

On another note, while I have had more free time since giving up the majority of my tv shows (leaving food network, hgtv, AFV, pawn stars and the duggars on our dvr) I have had more time to read. This book by Angie Smith is INCREDIBLE. You can also check out her blog. She is coming to speak at Mugs and Muffins at FBC in two weeks, and it is sure to be an incredible morning. She is the wife of Todd Smith, from the Christian group, Selah, and they found out that their baby girl, Audrey, was "incompatible" with life before she was even 20 weeks pregnant and she decided to still carry her until term. She writes about their journey so beautifully and I am pretty sure that I cried 90% of the time while reading it. (I couldn't put it down and read the WHOLE book last night).


So there is my heart right now. I am in a place of growing and learning more in my Christian walk, where I would say I had been pretty complacent for the past couple of years. I am going to be honest on my blog. My fellow believers, I'm sure, know what I am talking about. For those reading my blog that are not believers, I don't want to put on a front like it is easy or that I think that I am perfect... I will always be open and honest, because I feel like that's all I can be. God has been good to us, and has poured out so many blessings on my family, but I am not promised that my life will always be easy or that I will have everything handed to me on a silver platter. Hard times and suffering are sure to come... for those times I want to be as prepared as I can be.

"We do not choose suffering simply because we are told to, but because the one who tells us to describes it as the path to everlasting joy." -John Piper

Any other suggestions of good books to read???

5 comments:

  1. I just found your blog and I love it! Your little Hudson is so precious! :)

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  2. Jenna, I saw what Bryan posted on fb & just read your post. I am so thankful & blessed to hear that you are listening to & allowing the Holy Spirit to convict & direct your life!! May you continue to walk minute by minute trusting Him. Thanks for updating me on Tuesday about WR. Praying for you and Bryan as you daily give your life back to the ONE who gave it to you!!

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  3. I think this is what the Holy Spirit has been telling me too but I am not listening....thanks for the encouragement!
    Have you read 'Same Kind of Different as Me'? That is a good one. Also, 'One Thousand Gifts' by Ann Voskamp.
    Blessings!

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  4. Jenna! I am so proud of you. Hearing the Holy Spirit is THE coolest thing on earth, period. When Jesus went back to heaven, I love what He said, He was like "I'm going back to be with my Father, but don't worry because I've sent something greater than even me, I'm giving you the Holy Spirit, so you don't have to literally be around me to be with me...through Him you will ALWAYS have me" I LOVE THAT!! He still lives and breathes and speaks today. Just like He spoke to people in the Bible days, it's the same Spirit that lives in us and speaks to us TODAY!

    And you're seeing the evidence of that. I LOVE the freedom that comes when you hear your Father speak to you, you change your ways, and you feel like a thousand pound weight is lifted off your chest. Freedom from bondage you didn't even know you were under. It's so exciting, and you come to a point where you're like "reveal more to me, God! What else do you want me to submit to you?!" And He reveals. And you change. And it's just so, so awesome, this Kingdom life!

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  5. Thanks Jessica, that is so so encouraging. I have already felt a huge difference in my life just since i started LISTENING to Him. And I agree, I am to the point of wanting more to be revealed, and I have realized that He wants nothing more than to change me to be more like Him. It is incredible... also for some reason I can't read your blog again... please add me again!

    diplofam- i just ordered those books off of amazon! cant wait to read them! thanks for the suggestions.

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