God in the Details

I wrote some yesterday about us going back to church for the first time since Janet's passing. Our "home" church (the church we grew up in and our parents still attend) has been so so amazing to our family through this journey, and I wasn't really looking forward to going back to "our" church where we still felt like we weren't 100% plugged in (which is no one's fault but our own). It is just hard, in this season, to be with people who don't know our story, or maybe only know on the surface, because we are still pretty fragile.

I prayed about my attitude and that the Lord would just pour his grace over me on the way to church yesterday... And boy did He.

We were greeted at the door by one of our best friend's moms. She hugged us all and loved on the boys. I felt like from that moment on I could breathe a huge sigh of relief. After that, we couldn't turn around without being with friends and people who love us. I got to hug many of my friends that I haven't seen in awhile, it was great. We even walked in to sit down before service started and were looking around when we spotted some more of our good friends waving us over to sit with them...

More than anything it made me realize, again, the outpouring of love and grace that He continues to give us. He listened to even my tiniest, and probably pretty selfish, prayer and surrounded us with friends. I really think that I crossed paths with most of the people that I know who go there, and it was so great just to see familiar faces and be loved. I started working in the nursery and am so glad that I get to serve and spend time with a dear friend of mine at the same time. He is in to EVERY detail.

Bryan took the boys home after the first service while I stayed. As I was leaving I ran into several more people who wanted to share how Janet impacted their lives. A few people I didn't know, and several that I did know. I love so much to hear stories of how peoples' lives have been changed by hearing the gospel through Janet's blog.

After church Tony, Jordan and David came to eat lunch at our house. It was good to be together but still so sad that we are missing a major part of our family. Yesterday was one month since Janet went to be with Jesus. In a way it seems much longer than that and in another way it seems like she will still walk through our door at any minute.

Loss is weird. It is like your brain and heart have a total disconnect.

One of the songs that the band played at church was "Great I Am". I had a very hard time singing it, as worship has been taken to a whole new level on my emotional ladder, but I love the words. I am sharing it below if you want to listen to it and then posting the lyrics.

"Great I AM" (By Jared Anderson)

I want to be close, close to Your side
So Heaven is real and death is a lie
I want to hear voices of angels above
Singing as one

Hallelujah, holy, holy
God Almighty, the great I AM
Who is worthy, none beside Thee
God Almighty, the great I AM

I want to be near, near to Your heart
Loving the world and hating the dark
I want to see dry bones living again
Singing as one

The mountains shake before You,
The demons run in fear
At the mention of the name King of Majesty
There is no power in hell
Or any who can stand
Before the power and the presence of the Great I AM

The Great I AM....

Bryan said this yesterday, and I totally agree. It is awesome to think that these songs we are singing here about our God that is so awesome and great... that we are praising the best we know how, is the very same God that Janet has met. Janet is in His very presence and could be singing a song very similar to this one. It makes God (and Janet) feel even closer.

Those are my thoughts for tonight. I hope they are words of encouragement that The Lord cares enough to answer even little prayers. He is in every single detail of our lives, if we will just look for him.

The days are still so hard, but I am continuing to choose His joy every day.


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