August 9, 2014

Living the Life...


 
 
For several years (even before my kids) I have been struggling with my confidence and self worth. I dreamed of being skinny (which in my mind meant happy) and all of the clothes I could wear and the things that would be different. I thought that would make my husband love me more, my kids more well behaved, make me more popular and give me more friends... I worked at a job that I had a love/hate relationship with. I struggled with anxiety to the point that I would cry as I drove to work. I wasn't happy. I was constantly tired and was stuck in a cycle of feeling down and turning to food. I thought all of my problems would be solved when I became a stay at home mom in April. I was wrong. When I stopped working I lost my individual identity and found myself more unsure of my place. Yes I was Hudson and Rhett's mom. I was Bryan's wife. But who was I without them?

Three months ago I set out on a journey to lose weight. I fell in love with working out. I started eating better. I found my confidence increasing along with my energy. I was no longer going to be defined by a life that I wondered about....

Then three weeks ago I signed up to be a BeachBody coach. I didn't expect to see success right away. I honestly wasn't sure what was going to happen but I knew that for the first time in a long time I was doing something for ME. I was going to be Jenna, not MOM, not WIFE, not NURSE... I was going to be me and do something that I wanted to do. And what I have found is a girl who is thriving in a business that she loves. I jumped rank to Diamond Coach in two weeks, something that takes people months and months to accomplish. I look forward to waking up every morning and starting the new day. I am making more money having FUN and talking about something that I love than I was at a job that I hated. This extra paycheck means that I can go to Walmart and let Hudson pick out special snacks, our budget isn't so tight. It means extra date nights and being able to hire babysitters. My job and coworkers motivate and encourage me to be my best self every day. I am surrounded by people who are committed to eating well and being fit just like I am. I have hundreds of people reading about my progress here on my blog and that keeps me dedicated too, I don't want to let anyone down. I am inspiring people to be their best selves. I have been presented with opportunities that I never ever thought would be possible and I am so excited to see where they take me. I am even considering furthering my education in nutrition. Have I gotten all of these things because I lost weight? NO. I am where I am today because I am living the life that I always imagined. I stopped letting ME hold myself back. Does my husband love me more, or are my kids more well behaved? No, I don't think so but my husband is extremely proud of me and what I am accomplishing. Am I more popular and do I have more friends? No, if anything I have gotten more controversial comments since starting this journey. But I am happy because I am helping so many other people reach their goals as well.

We've had a rough seven months and we are still in the thick of it... we wake up every day facing the reality that we lost a loved one who would be in our lives every single day other wise. I don't think that a day will come on this Earth that we will understand or be okay with losing Janet... nothing makes it easier or better. We are learning to live with it and exercise has become my way to cope with the reality of that pain. What I do know, is that since Janet's death, opportunities have arisen for us that have put us in the place we are today so I owe so much of where I am to her and know how proud she would be to see what I have accomplished in the last few months.

One of the things on my life's bucket list is to make a difference in someone's life each day that doesn't benefit me (not my family, personal friends...). I am finally at a place where I feel like I am happy enough with myself that I can do that and I am doing that.

All of that to say... if you're unhappy with where you are, do something to change that. Live the life you've always imagined. We only get one chance.
 
Happy Saturday Loves.

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