September 18, 2014

Made for More

I started the book "Made to Crave" by Lysa Terkeurst earlier this summer. I got busy and reading fell by the wayside. I picked it back up this morning and read Chapter 5 where I had left off. It was just exactly what I needed to hear.

In a paraphrase, she starts by talking about how when you start a diet program you get really excited and have the will power to say no. But then time passes and the newness wears off and it becomes easier to give in and say "Oh, I'll start back tomorrow... next week... next month". She goes on to turn to Ephesians 1:17-19.

I love this. I think it is important in so many different areas of our lives but I can see how it can be helpful to me in my weight loss journey. I have spent the last month losing and gaining the same 2 lbs, I found myself making excuses for what I was eating... my "life change" lost the newness. But what it comes down to is that I cannot do this on my own. I am not strong enough. I don't have the willpower. I am weak and letting myself be defined by food and the struggle... and then Lysa brought such an encouraging truth that I SO needed today-- I was made for more. (I HIGHLY recommend this book if this is a struggle of yours.)

I met someone at my Weight Watchers leader training a few weeks ago who has met her goal weight. She was vibrant and every word that came out of her mouth sang praises to the Lord. She attributed her weight loss to HIM. She said several times that she just prayed that the Lord would give her strength and He did and that's how she succeeded. At the time, I didn't think much about it, but today as I read that, I was reminded of her and her story, which is much deeper than weight loss, but she was such an encouragement to me of how she has overcome SO much but for all of it she gives glory to the Lord.

Since losing Janet, I have struggled. I've struggled with my Christian walk. We've basically stopped making an effort to go to church most of the time. Worship is hard. Being around people who don't know our story is hard. Prayer is the hardest. I found myself struggling with what the importance of prayer was. It didn't seem to matter how many people prayed for Janet, circled her house, fasted... she still wasn't healed. That was God's plan from the beginning, so what did it matter what effort I put into praying or even caring?

Obviously, I am being completely transparent here. I know it's not right for me to feel this way. I still believe in God. I still believe that God's plan is far greater than I will know or imagine. I've come to grips with the fact that our family may never know why Janet was taken from us while we are still living on this Earth. I became a Christian when I was 7 years old. I've never doubted my salvation. I know the Lord. My selfish human nature is just hurt, scared, torn... looking for an answer that I am not going to get.
Oh how I wish I could relive this moment today...
"My soul finds rest in God alone, my salvation comes from Him. He alone is my rock and my salvation. He is my fortress, I will never be shaken."-Psalm 62:1-2

So... with all that, I've realized this morning that I needed to lay it all down. I needed to give up control. I need to trust that God's plan is greater than the plan I have in my head. I was made for more than this cycle of fighting with God. I was made for more than giving in to my cravings for food. I was made for more than excuses.
Summer 2001, I was 14 and B was 15
I look back on the Lord's work in my life. I look back on the years of praying for Bryan while we were both dating other people and "growing up". I look back on the broken relationship between us that HE healed from when we were teenagers. I look at my husband who lost his dad when he was 8, but God's plan was greater. He brought Tony into his life and Tony helped raise him to be the incredible man he is today. I look at my own weight battle that I've had since I was a teenager. I see now how it is beneficial for me to be right where God wanted me to be in this season of my life. People who don't struggle with food and being overweight, can't lead Weight Watchers and motivate others to lose. If you haven't been there, you don't understand.

I hope that one day I will look back and see God's work at hand on this season. Every single day is still a struggle for me (and my whole family) with losing Janet. But I know that God is faithful. I was made for more than battling with myself and letting the devil win.

This blog post has been a long time coming. I haven't blogged much about Janet lately because it is so raw. The hurt has gotten worse with time instead of better and I wasn't sure what to write...

Today, I am turning a new leaf. When I am craving food, struggling with body image, missing Janet or whatever else may come my way... I'm going to turn to Eph. 1:17-19, pray for strength and knowledge from the Lord and tell myself "I was made for more".

Happy Thursday. I hope this encourages someone else today as much as it did me.

3 comments:

  1. I struggle with food, with my appearance and I should know better; I am 57. I have had this battle my entire life and I think if only I was as fat now as I thought I was years ago.



    I have had great losses over the past year, jobs, home, cars, two parents dying within a month of each other, moving to new a state. One the scale of stress I am over the top and I know God has carried us, but I can't pray, I can't focus or worship.


    I understand.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Jarvis Noelle DaughritySeptember 18, 2014 at 5:36 PM

    Jenna! I am so glad I read this....thank you for being transparent and sharing your heart.....and I'm thankful the Lord allowed me to read your blog in this exact moment.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I can totally relate to your struggle with faith- worship. I lost a brother almost 1 ur ago. You could not have said it better - you expressed exactly how I feel about his death. Thank you for sharing your feels it made me realize I am not alone:) ❤️

    ReplyDelete

 
Blogging tips