An Emotional Christmas Post

Our Christmas didn't go as expected, at all. We left Saturday morning to go to North Missouri to spend the weekend with my family.

I didn't feel well all day Saturday and started throwing up when we got to my grandparent's house on Saturday night.

On Sunday afternoon we got a phone call saying that the doctors were calling all of the family in to be with my grandpa because his time was drawing near. It came pretty suddenly in the end but we were all grateful that our whole family was already together and in town to be with him and my grandma.

Grandpa reading us the Christmas story before presents, Christmas 2009.

I woke up Monday morning still throwing up and not holding down even water, and called my OB to see if I could get some medicine. She suggested that I was probably severely dehydrated and needed to go to the ER to get some fluids because it could start affecting the baby. She said we could go ahead and wait a few hours and come home as long as the baby was still moving okay... We were already on the fence about coming home on Monday so Bryan made the decision to drive us home so we could go to our L&D unit in case it was worse than we thought so we packed up our car and said goodbye to the family who were all still at the hospital with my grandpa. I had said my goodbyes to him on Sunday afternoon and I will always remember that the last thing that he said to me was that he loved me very much and he appreciated how far we had come to be with him... I am so glad that that is my last memory of him. He went to be with Jesus around 6 pm on Christmas Eve.

Bryan got us home in just under 5 hours (what had been taking us about 7 with Hudson) and Hudson was a complete angel in the car. That was thanks to answered prayer. We dropped Hudson off with Bryan's parents and then headed straight to the hospital where I got some IV phenergan and fluids. They drew some labs and as soon as my fluids were done and I was getting ready to leave the nurse came in and told us that my potassium was almost critically low (2.5 where normal is a minimum of 3.5) along with some of my other electrolytes and that the doctor was admitting us over night to get my potassium up. At this point I hadn't eaten or really kept anything down in 4 days. Needless to say we weren't thrilled about staying in the hospital on Christmas Eve. I got to drink 6 lovely doses of potassium and at 7 am on Christmas morning my levels were high enough for them to let me go home... we finally left the hospital about 10 am and headed home to get Christmas ready for Hudson.

Merry Christmas dinner to me

Bryan's parents brought Hudson over around noon and he got to do all of him Santa stuff and the hit of all of the presents was a big Buzz Lightyear toy. He really probably could have cared less about all of the other stuff that we got him.

Our Christmas wasn't what we expected. I could have been sad about it. We didn't get to open present with all of my family... or wake up with our 2 year old on Christmas morning... but I am choosing to see God's blessings in the fact that I got the medical care that I needed and that my littlest baby boy is doing just wonderfully. I got to spend the night with my loving husband who takes wonderful care of me and it is now a Christmas memory we will never forget.

I am so sad about losing my grandpa, but I am glad that he isn't experiencing pain and suffering anymore. He was the most amazing Christian man that I knew. The first person in my life that has passed on that I know is in Heaven celebrating with Jesus right now. He was a humble servant and as I have thought about all my time with him in my life over the last few days I go through such a range of emotions. I am so happy for him to be in Heaven but yet so heartbroken to have lost him here on Earth. I am sad for my grandma and my dad. I am sad that my little boys won't grow up fishing with him and knowing what an incredible man he was. I am sad that we won't have our late night card games where he comes alive anymore. He won't be there to make me hot chocolate in the morning (I am the first grandchild, first girl after having 4 sons, and I've also been told a little spoiled) or to read us the Christmas story anymore. But he has left an incredible legacy... four amazing sons who are all Christian men, eight grandkids who all know the Lord, and (almost) two sweet little great grandson's who will be raised in a Godly home. I have never felt so heartbroken and sad, and yet so joyful for him at the same time. I am thankful that we have the hope of Heaven to cling to. I can't imagine coping with this pain and not having the cross to cling to or the hope of Heaven.

One song that I have loved lately is Restoration by David Brymer. The Lyrics are so simple, yet so encouraging.



"You bring Restoration
You bring Restoration
You bring Restoration
to my soul

You've taken my Pain
called me by a new name
You've taken my shame
and in it's place, You give me joy

You take mourning and turn it into dancing
You take weeping and turn it into laughing
You take mourning and turn it into dancing
You take my sadness and turn it into joy

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
You make all things new, all things new." 


So that leaves us with today. Thursday. Honestly this morning is the first time I have been hungry in almost a week and I feel like I am getting some of my strength back. I have lost over ten pounds since my 27 weeks OB appointment last week. Hudson threw up some yesterday but seems to be ok now. I am glad that I am feeling well enough to go to the funeral this weekend. We are making arrangements to travel back to N. Missouri to be with my family this weekend for the visitation and funeral. The 6 hour drive is really wearing on us as we have now made it 4 times in the last month but I am so grateful for the time we got to have with him in the end. We made the decision to leave Hudson at home this weekend with G-ma and G-pa. We think it will be easier on everyone to not have him there. I am thankful for my in-laws and all the help they give us with him. (Please also say a prayer for Janet today as she starts a new chemo, I know she will do wonderful but please pray that the Lord will give her comfort and a peace about her next round of treatment).

And finally, in what may be the longest and most emotional post I have ever written... we have decided on a name for our sweet baby boy. We are naming him after my grandpa, and I can't wait for him to grow up so I can tell him all about the wonderful man he is named after.